


wo das Meer zu Ende ist

by moon_waves



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mutter Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25093873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_waves/pseuds/moon_waves
Summary: The sky was of a dark blue, with pale stars fading into the night. There were no clouds to hide the light of the moon, no electric light to break the darkness of the vast emptiness over their heads. It felt as if they were alone in the world, with only the sound of the waves not far breaking the tranquility of the night.
Relationships: Richard Kruspe/Till Lindemann
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	wo das Meer zu Ende ist

_October 2002._

The sky was of a dark blue, with pale stars fading into the night. There were no clouds to hide the light of the moon, no electric light to break the darkness of the vast emptiness over their heads. It felt as if they were alone in the world, with only the sound of the waves not far breaking the tranquility of the night. Sometimes, they could hear the soft flapping sound of night predators flying over them, attention focused on their prey, owls hooting somewhere behind them.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

A low, deep voice broke into the night, quickly followed by the _floosh_ of a lighter, a short flame briefly illuminating a pensive face before letting it fall into darkness. An ember appeared as a cigarette was lit up, not strong enough to allow someone to see the smoke disappear.

“It will be fine,” his companion said, much more at ease, syllables relaxing before falling into the ocean.

“It’s a terrible idea.

“It’s a great idea, and you know it. You wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“I did it because you’re too convincing for your own good.”

Regret hovered in the air as soon as the words had come out, and a deep sigh followed. Till shifted a little where he was sitting on the cold sand before slightly turning his head to look at his companion, brow furrowed.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said quietly, almost as an admission.

“I thought you trusted me enough to be honest with me,” Richard retorted, trying to play it cool but unable to hide the hurt undertone beneath his voice.

“I do.”

Another sigh and Richard turned away to look at the shifting waves, melancholy painted over his cheekbones. Till stared at him for a moment longer, taking in the firm lines of his profile under the moonlight, noticing how his cheeks had filled a little again in the few months they had been separated, how the bags under his eyes had diminished – and wasn’t it a picture in itself, being able to see the lack of bruises under his eyes even with the moon and stars the only source of light?

Oh, how he had missed this healthier version of his best friend – quiet and relaxed, warm and firm body ready to hold and comfort, here for him again.

He looked away, a lump in his throat all of a sudden.

“You’re not saying that because you’re regretting having joined Rammstein again, are you?”

Silence, and then the singer shook his head mutely before his cigarette lit up again, briefly illuminating his face for the shortest of seconds.

“I don’t.”

Another pause, then:

“You know how I am. I hesitate to do something, agree to it and then worry until I know how it turns out.”

“Mmh. And how does it turn out?”

Fingers rose in the air and the cigarette moved from hand to hand, the ocean shifting slightly filling the silence between the two men.

“It turns out well, most of the time. And you know it.”

“You know it too,” the guitarist retorted, amusement tainting his words.

A chuckle broke into the night.

“That’s exactly what I was saying. You’re too convincing for your own good, Richard.”

“You’re the one allowing yourself to be convinced by my words,” Richard retorted before offering him back the cigarette. “I know you. If you didn’t want to do it, you wouldn’t have agreed to it. Not when it’s about something so personal to you.”

“Mmh.”

Silence fell over the two men again. An owl hooted somewhere in the forest behind them, the sound a strange but pleasant companion to the waves brushing against the sand at their feet.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“If you say so.”

_“Till.”_

Sighing a little, Till turned his head towards the guitarist lying down on the sand next to him. He had shifted to one side, leaning against his elbow, one hand supporting his head, staring at him with calm, cool eyes that seemed to stare straight at his soul. His other hand was resting lightly atop his knee, grounding him into the present moment rather than letting him disappear into his doubts and hesitations.

“You know I will always have your back, right?”

He waited in silence until Till nodded in return, adverting his eyes to look at the ocean stretched out in front of them again. Clothes rustled together as Richard moved into a sitting position, bumping their shoulders together before settling down, close enough that Till could feel the heat radiating from his body. He brought the cigarette back to his lips and started tugging on it again, watching as smoke disappeared into thin air.

“I wouldn’t encourage you if I thought this wouldn’t end well,” Richard went on, voice soft, and Till nodded in silence, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat.

He quickly finished his cigarette and smashed the butt against the sand before putting it into one of the pockets of his jacket. Richard bumped their shoulders together again and this time he leaned back against him, feeling himself flayed alive, able to withstand the situation only because a fading moon was watching over them, her rays pale enough that it was difficult to see their surroundings.

Tentative fingers reached for his hand and he squeezed back gratefully, more comforted by the warm touch than he would have been able to say out loud. One thumb started drawing circles over the back of his hand and he blinked furiously a few times before staring at the sea again, all too conscious of Richard’s strong body against his.

“It’s easy for you to say,” Till finally said after a time, voice so low he wasn’t sure Richard could hear him. “It’s not your soul that has been laid bare for everyone to see.”

Richard stayed silent for a moment before nodding, briefly squeezing his hand.

“It’s true,” he said slowly before turning his head to look at him.

Till kept looking at the ocean, shivering a little as a hand brushed away the errand strands of hair from his forehead.

“But your soul remains a secret, you know?” Richard went on, voice calm, his body a comforting weight at Till’s side. “Some of your poems express feelings a lot of people can share, but others remain as mysterious as…”

He struggled with words for a moment and Till turned to look at him, taking in the furrowed brows and the aquiline line of his nose, teeth chewing at the lower lip in irritation as he kept searching for the right comparison.

“It remains a secret,” he finally said lamely, obviously annoyed at himself for not having found the correct image, and Till felt the corner of his mouth stretch at the sight, amused by his predicament.

“So, I do keep my privacy then?” he asked with a hint of teasing, all too aware of the light tremor in his voice.

Richard nodded furiously before turning his head to look at him, eyes shining brightly in the night. The intent focus in his gaze was a lot to be subjected to and Till could only hold his eyes for a moment before looking away again, feeling the tip of his ears burning.

Warm fingers squeezed his.

“You will remain the elusive poet you are even with a book full of poems out in the world for everyone to read,” Richard said comfortingly, leaning slightly against him. “No one will ever be able to piece all the parts of your soul together, you know.”

Till hummed quietly but didn’t say anything, only squeezed their fingers together once more before letting his head fall against Richard’s, still staring at the ocean stretched in front of them. His nerves were often getting the best of him right before the fall – the days before releasing a new album, the hours before a first concert, and now the weeks leading up the release of his first poetry book.

Him.

A book full of his poems.

He still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the concept, and it hadn’t been for lack of trying to terms with it – the agonizing days of trying to select poems before letting the choice fall into the hands of Gert Hof, the sleepless nights wondering if it had been the right decision, to put everything into the light rather than keep it in the shadows of his notebooks, only sharing bits and pieces trough songs lyrics…

And now, as the weeks had gone by, he was reduced to counting the days before the release. He had managed to put up a brave front in public, but he knew that the people closest to him could see right away through his bravado.

Hence how he had ended on the beach by a cool October night, trying to get his anxiety over control, until Richard had walked up to him with a nonchalant attitude, as if the months spent separated by an ocean hadn’t happened, sat down next to him in silence, before offering him his pack of cigarettes.

He would have to buy him a pack back.

Later.

Moved by an impulse, he slightly moved his head to the side and gently kissed Richard’s hair before straightening a little, eyes still drawn to the ever-moving waves. A small sound of protestation escaped Richard as he moved away and the guitarist shifted on the beach before settling against him once more, sitting a little straighter as well.

“If I am such a convincing person,” Richard finally said after time had passed, spent staring at the moonlight reverberating on the sea in silence, “is there a way I could convince you to go back to your house? I can’t feel my butt anymore.”

Till chuckled before leaning against him, enjoying the feeling of soft hair against his face.

“This is terrible news,” he said teasingly. “Was the sand too hard for you?”

“Too cold, more like it,” Richard mumbled before turning to look at him, eyes still bright in the pale moonlight. “I don’t mind spending hours sitting there when the weather is decent, but it’s getting pretty chill in there.”

Till nodded, still amused, but also aware that the temperatures were starting to really go down during the night these days – and Richard obviously hadn’t come out with clothes that were warm enough to keep him comfortable for a full night on the beach, watching the waves retreat and come back.

“Are you going to need help to warm your august backside, then?” Till asked teasingly, squeezing the fingers in his hand.

He wriggled his eyebrows as Richard stared at him with a slightly surprised expression before smirking.

“If you’re offering, I won’t say no,” the guitarist answered in a low tone that sent a shiver down his spine.

Wordlessly, Till got up to his feet before offering his hand to Richard, helping him rise up and then steadying him as the guitarist all but crashed into him, grumbling about how his feet had gotten dead underneath him while they had been sitting on the beach. Still smiling into silk black hair, Till took advantage of the opportunity to hug him tightly, one thumb brushing against Richard’s sweatshirt. It felt comfortable, the two of them in an embrace on the beach, with nobody around, only the sounds of nature breaking the silence and pale stars watching over them. Only when Richard signaled he was good to go did they separate before walking back to Till’s house, fingers still intertwined together.

There was not a soul to meet across the path from the beach to the village, and even there, no one was roaming around in the streets, most people asleep – some still up in their homes, or others away at work. It was only the two of them in the middle of the night, walking peacefully side by side until they reached Till’s house and got in, the door closing quietly behind them.

Till negligently took off his shoes and jacket, before walking in the corridor, listening to Richard’s footsteps behind. The curtains were still wide open in the living room, giving a dark blue hue to the furniture, and he hesitated for a moment before making his way towards his bedroom, all too aware of the warm presence following him in silence.

Finally they stood face to face in the middle of the room, curtains drawn back and pale moon rays the only source of light. Richard faced him in silence, blue eyes staring at him patiently, all too knowing and he hesitated for a moment.

“Do you want company tonight?” Richard finally asked in a serious tone as silence stretched between them.

Till nodded.

“Asleep or awake?”

Ah. Asleep company meant sharing each other’s sleep – in the same bed – and maybe some kissing, if he was so inclined, Richard would let him take the lead. Sometimes, they only wanted to share the night together, comforted by a warm presence next to them – falling asleep and then waking up next to someone they knew, cared for, loved. Without anything else.

Awake company meant that, too, and more – falling asleep in his bed with their limbs tangled together, exhausted after having satiated the hunger that bound their bodies together.

“Awake,” Till finally answered after a moment of reflection, voice wobbling a little, feeling surprisingly shy after months of separation.

Richard nodded in silence and then smiled. Till took one, two steps closer until he was so close, he could feel the heat radiating from Richard’s body, and then raised a hand to brush an errand strand of hair from his face, fingers trailing along his face, goosebumps following on cold skin. Richard leaned slightly against the touch, still smiling, eyes soft and understand as they met his.

“Are you still cold?” Till asked in a low voice, his words booming into the night.

Richard blinked, a bit surprised, before nodding.

“I wouldn’t say no to a shower, honestly,” he answered before raising his hand until he was holding Till’s wrist lightly, keeping it in position.

Till nodded before lowering his hand, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as Richard accompanied his movement until their fingers were intertwined again, palms pressed firmly together.

“Let’s get moving, then,” Till said quietly before tugging him into the direction of the bathroom.

The air was cold in the tiled room and he quickly turned on the heated towels rail on booster mood to get it to warm the towels at least a little for once they would step out of the shower. Richard messed with the lights settings briefly before settling on a subdued golden warm light that gave an intimate atmosphere to the room. He was still smiling slightly, looking content and serene and Till was suddenly hit with a pang of longing as he watched him undress before stepping into the shower, moved by the familiarity of the scene.

He would have remained there watching the guitarist wash himself, eyes trailing down his body, if Richard hadn’t reached out to him, a patient expression on his face, eyes still far too knowing. Till undressed clumsily before joining him in the shower, closing the glass door behind him as hot water started falling down over their heads.

“You changed the shower,” Richard said as he poured soap on his hands before putting them on Till’s shoulders, bodies close.

Till grunted before closing his eyes, feeling his body relax under firm, talented hands massaging away the knots in his shoulders. He could feel the heat radiating from Richard behind him, could almost feel his body if he moved back just slightly…

“Do you like it?” he managed to ask as Richard’s hands were moving down his back.

Richard hummed in acquiescence behind him, hands moving at a slow, leisurely pace. Heat started boiling at the bottom of his stomach and he shivered a little, definitely leaning back as Richard pressed a kiss against his shoulder.

“It’s bigger than the other one,” Richard pointed out with a laugh in his voice, hands quickly moving over his bum before nudging him to turn around. “Looks a lot more comfortable that way,” he added with a smirk as their eyes met.

Till chuckled before kissing him lightly, lips briefly pressing together before separating again. Oh, his old shower cubicle had given him entire satisfaction for years – except for the times he had wanted to indulge in some shower sex. It had been way too small for him and his partner of the day to move around freely, and he had finally decided to change it – and entirely redo the bathrooms of the house along the way – when their last tour had ended.

“I made a few changes to the guest bathroom, too,” he said with a wriggle of the eyebrows, Richard looking at him with an interested expression. “How long will you be staying?”

“Long enough to try both bathrooms,” Richard answered cheekily before going down to his knees.

Till bit his lower lip, forcibly swallowing down a moan as Richard peered at him from under his eyelashes before starting to work on the lower half of his body. He tentatively leaned back against the wall, a little gasp escaping him as deft fingers worked over his groin.

Richard smirked in silence at his feet before moving onto his legs. Till watched him do with rapt eyes, fascinated by the droplets of water running along his tanned skin, arousal burning through his veins. He barely waited for Richard to finish before grabbing him by one forearm and helping him raise to his feet, suddenly eager to touch as much skin as possible.

Richard’s smirk grew more teasing but he cleaned Till’s arms quickly before yelping a little as one hand started cupping his backside. Raising an eyebrow with amusement, Till took hold of one hand before bringing it to his lips and kissing its back gently, then reaching for the soap without commenting on the blush that covered Richard’s face.

Steam was starting to opacify the glass panels of the shower but he didn’t care, to fascinated by the firmness of Richard’s muscles around his hands, by the languid expression on his face, by the heat slowly darkening his pupils.

His fingers lathered sensitive skin with soap, chasing goosebumps over a golden tan, his lips stretching into a smile as Richard turned into a puddle in his hands, eyes flickering open and close and then open again as Till took his time washing him, massaging away the stiffness that came from hours sitting on cold sand in the middle of the night. He drew a path of butterfly kisses over Richard’s shoulders, licking warm droplets of water while gently stroking his flanks, savoring the little gasps and moans that tentatively escaped Richard’s lips, head drawn back against the wall while Till was working him up.

After what seemed to be an eternity, Till finally deemed them clean enough and rinsed them, watching in appreciation the red hue over Richard’s cheeks, the way his chest was heaving slightly, his eyes trailing down one happy trail before raising up again, only to be met with a smirk. They stepped out of the shower giggling together, reaching for the warm towels before Till turned off the heating rail, both of them drying themselves quickly enough before putting on bathrobes and making their way back to the bedroom.

The door closed with a soft sound of finality and Till reached for the switch before feeling a hand grabbing him by the wrist, stopping him mid-gesture.

“Don’t turn the lights on,” Richard said in a low voice behind him, so close their bathrobes were touching. “The moonlight is enough.”

A shiver went through Till’s body at his words and he turned around to look at him, feelings his cheeks warm up at the naked hunger on Richard’s face. They stared at each other in silence in the shadows before Richard bridged the gap between them and kissed him, hands reaching to hold onto the helms of his bathrobe.

Richard’s lips were warm against his, soft and firm at the same time, pressing against his mouth in a way that weakened his knees. His hands reached for Richard’s hips, holding onto them for dear life while the guitarist was languorously kissing him, taking on a slow pace that he followed immediately, losing himself into the sensations. He tentatively opened his mouth after a time, feeling Richard’s lips stretch into a smile against his before the kiss deepened, the two of them briefly separating for air before kissing again, Richard pressing himself against his body until they were both panting of breath.

“The bed would be more comfortable than the floor,” Richard finally murmured against his mouth, breathing heavily, knuckles almost white as they kept holding onto his bathrobe.

“It’s the first time I hear you complaining about the floor,” he said with a raised eyebrow, palping Richard’s flanks over his fluffy bathrobe.

Richard snorting at his word and slightly tilted his head upwards before kissing the top of his noise, amusement shining brightly in his eyes.

“No matter how much I enjoy your wooden floor, the bed is definitely going to be more comfortable what I have in mind,” he said with amusement before pressing slightly on Till’s bathrobe.

Taking the hint, Till started walking backwards, trusting in Richard to hold him upright in case he came across an obstacle on his way to the bed. Arousal was starting to burn through his veins and it intensified when he felt the back of his knees hit the bedframe. He hovered awkwardly on his spot before Richard lightly pushed him, eyes soft as he fell on the bed, bathrobe opening over his thighs.

Almost giggling, Richard barely gave him the time to shift higher on the mattress before joining him on the bed, standing on all fours over him, eyes glinting in the darkness of the room. Time stilled for a moment before Richard bent his head and kissed him again, keeping the same languorous pace as before. It was soft and tender and Till felt his heart swell at the affection present in his actions. He tentatively raised a hand to Richard’s face, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear before cupping his head, feeling suddenly oddly vulnerable.

He was all too aware of the hands firmly planted on the mattress on each side of his head, of the calves resting against his thighs, holding him prisoner between firm, muscled legs – and he didn’t think he would be able to get out of it, if he wanted to, not with Richard’s history in wrestling.

He didn’t want to move.

Something must have shown on his face because Richard slowly moved back until he was sitting on his heels, hands on his thighs, sitting in the space between Till’s legs. The moonlight was shining bright behind him, giving him a silver halo, and Till was struck by the vision in front of his eyes.

Richard stared at him in silence before bending over him again, one hand moving to gently cup his cheek, thumb drawing circles.

“How do you want me?” he asked in a low voice, eyes fixed on Till, watching his every move.

There was something comforting about being the sole target of his attention, and Till let himself relax under his touch, opening his mouth once, twice, before licking his lips.

And yet not a word came out.

“I want you,” he finally managed to say in a low voice that broke a little at the end.

“You have me,” Richard murmured in return before bending down again and pressing their lips together briefly.

A whine escaped Till when he moved back, reaching for Richard’s wrist to keep him close. Richard tilted his head to the side, one hand still cupping his cheek, the other held by Till, staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

Silence stretched into eternity.

 _“You drift away all by yourself,”_ Richard finally murmured, eyes gentle, thumb grazing across his cheek again.

A brief smile stretched Till’s lips and he tugged Richard a little closer until the guitarist was hovering over him again, hand moving from his cheek to the mattress, putting his weight on that arm and his legs.

“Come in my boat and hold my hand, then,” Till murmured in return, hearing Richard chuckle over him before bending his head until their noses were tip to tip.

This time Till was the one who initiated the kiss, setting a slow pace before tentatively licking Richard’s lips until he opened his mouth, and then letting him take the lead again, releasing the wrist he was still holding to hold Richard’s face between his hands. The aftermath of Richard’s laugh rumbled in his mouth and he wriggled a little on his bed as Richard kissed him with languid fervor, hands drifting through silk-like hair. A knee came dangerously close to his groin and he stirred cautiously, feeling Richard move over him until his equilibrium was assured again.

“I missed that,” Richard murmured against his lips between two kisses.

A shiver went down Till’s spine at his words. Warmth settled all over him and he tugged on Richard’s hair to bring a little closer, feeling the weight of his body over him.

“I missed it too,” he said in return, voice low.

He felt Richard’s lips stretch into a smile against his mouth before something hard started rubbing against his thigh. A chuckle escaped him and he moved one hand down the lines of Richard’s body before grabbing his butt and squeezing, smile growing bigger as Richard gasped and chuckled against him.

“How do you want me?” Richard asked again a few seconds later, pressing intently against him, the corner of his lips stretched into a smirk.

Till thought about it for a few seconds before making his mind, bumping their noses together before kissing him.

“I like that position,” he said quietly, lips tingling as Richard kissed him again, making his breath catch and disappear in his throat until he moved away, panting slightly.

“Don’t move and let me take care of you then,” Richard said quietly before moving away from him, kneeling on the mattress before reaching for the nightstand.

Till put one arm behind his head to cushion himself, the other moving to squeeze Richard’s butt before moving onto his thigh, holding onto the warm skin. The drawer rattled a little as Richard fought to open it, its content rolling around until he found what he had been looking for, taking it away with a small noise of victory. A soft chuckle escaped Till at the sight, and he let his fingers press a little firmer against Richard’s thigh as he moved back over him, dropping a small bottle of lube on the mattress next to them. There was a fond expression Richard’s face as they faced each other again and Till looked at him intently, trying to etch the lines of his face into his mind. Who knew when he would have the opportunity to stare at Richard in such a state, pale moonlight drawing a halo over him, his bathrobe starting to fell from his shoulder?

Shivering a little, he tugged Richard closer until they were kissing again, swallowing the moan that escaped the guitarist as their bodies pressed together, heat growing in his bedroom. He could feel arousal burning through his veins, could feel its very tangible expression digging against his thigh and he squirmed a little, trying to find a better angle against Richard’s body.

The kiss grew more passionate and Till quickly untied the knot in front of Richard’s bathrobe, fingers deftly stroking him down at the same time, the little gasp of pleasure that escaped him music to his ears. He was growing more impatient by the minute now and quickly tugged away the cotton bathrobe, watching it slide away from Richard’s shoulders with hungry eyes.

Smirking a little, Richard grabbed him by the hair and forced his head back before licking and nibbling at his neck, pressing down and sucking until Till was groaning loudly, one hand fisted tight onto the comforter of the bed, the other losing itself in Richard’s hair. The mixture of pain and pleasure sent a thrill of excitation down his spine and he let go of the comforter to reach for Richard’s butt, holding and pressing down while Richard was working on his neck. He could hear his panting breath, the sound unnaturally loud to his ears until a short whine escaped him. It was at the same moment that Richard finally let go of his neck, licking the utterly sensitive skin one last time before pressing down a kiss on the hickey and then kissing his way back until his lips.

“You’re mine,” Richard murmured in his ear, untying the knot at the front of his bathrobe before gently sliding it away from Till’s shoulders. “My angel in the night.”

“I’m no angel,” Till protested quietly, cheeks warming up, squirming slightly to help the bathrobe slide away from him until he was laying on top of it.

“You are to me,” Richard murmured quietly before shifting a little on top of him, muscled thighs pinning him in position. “Lie down and let me take care of you.”

Till shivered a little at the decided tone in his voice, tugging on Richard’s wrist to bring him closer until they were kissing again, Richard’s lips seemingly bent onto pressing his words into his skin. It was easy to lose himself into their shared embrace, Richard’s love and passion wrapping over him until it was only the two of them, the rest of the world disappearing into the night –calloused fingers running over his skin, stretching into him, Richard’s body over him, into him, taking him to new heights until he could disappear into a myriad of stars…

Until it was just the two of them, comforter negligently drawn over them, the moonlight promising to keep their secrets, his head on Richard’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, deft fingers running through his hair, soothing, tender, as if he were fragile, deserving of love, of devotion, the faint aroma of sex and cigarette smoke merging together.

At peace, by the sea, and if he stretched his ear, he could almost hear the waves sing silently.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, please consider leaving a comment.


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